Grown So Ugly

"Baby, this ain't me,

Baby, this ain't me.

Grown so ugly, grown so ugly.

Don't even know myself.

Don't even know myself."

Robert Pete Williams

"11And he said, "There was a man who had two sons. 12And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.' And he divided his property between them. 13Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger!"

Luke 15:11-17

I'm sure when the prodigal son decided to take his inheritance and go his own way, he left with no intention of returning, and had planned for a rich and prosperous life. How many times do we think we have it all figured out and try and go solo before we realize the futility of our efforts? I have spent so much time with the pigs because I decided my way was better. Often times, we dont even realized we've left the Father because our sin and rebellious spirit has blinded us from true communion with our Father. As time goes by, we abide less and less, til we no longer bear fruit in our daily lives and then we wake up, broken, living with the pigs, starving for that true communion that we so desperately need to survive. In my life, I had so hardened my heart, that even when I wanted to return to my Father's house, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I reflected back on my life and I didnt even recognize myself. Praise God for his faithfulness! I made life so much harder for whatever reasons Satan had convinced me, by not returning to my Father, repenting for my sins, and abiding in Him. I believed the lies that grace couldn't possibly cover my sins, that I wasn't chosen, and that I would bear the fate of the covenant breaker. But just like the prodigal, grace came to me, mercy filled my heart, and I saw my situation for what it was. I repented for my sins, dove into the word, and God, whom had been waiting for me all along, turned whatever pain and sadness I had, into joy. If anyone who reads this is in such a situation, I implore you to run back to the Father. We may have grown so ugly. We may not even know ourselves anymore. But God knows us, and He is waiting to make us beautiful again.