Most Things Haven't Worked Out

O LORD, you have deceived me,
and I was deceived;
you are stronger than I,
and you have prevailed.
I have become a laughingstock all the day;
everyone mocks me.
For whenever I speak, I cry out,
I shout, "Violence and destruction!"
For the word of the LORD has become for me
a reproach and derision all day long.

Jeremiah 20:7-8

I was recently speaking to a pastor/friend about an accountability group he attended with three other local pastors from different denominations. The pastors talked about their struggles within their ministries and relationships. The theme of their conversation seemed to be surrender. This idea that if I can fully surrender to God, then things will work out. My friend described this surrender as elusive to them, for some of the pastors were quite older than him, yet they still haven't figured it out how to fully surrender. I asked him a two part question. First, what does this elusive total surrender to Christ look like? Second, what expectations do these guys have when they finally reach full surrender? I think those questions have different answers based on one's theology, and depending on how far off one's doctrine of God is, can have dire consequences for one's faith.

So many christians base their spiritual growth on how well behaved they are or on how well they can play church. But this is not what the christian life is all about. Sanctification, or being made holy, is not about achieving some moral victory. The truth is, we will never be good enough for God. So why would we judge growth based on a checklist of good deeds when we were saved by grace to begin with? What does full surrender look like and is it maintainable? I honestly don't know what full surrender looks like and I am certain that it is not maintainable. This is why the cross is so important. We are poor dejected sinners striving to be holy, but we will always fail. As the great puritan theologian Thomas Watson said, "To deny [we]sin is to devalue grace."

Men from all ages have often sought their own plans by their own will instead of seeking after God. I don't doubt the hearts of these three pastors my friend met with by any means, but they relayed a feeling that total surrender would equal good things in their life and their ministry. One of the greatest lies the Devil has infiltrated into the church is the idea that if I'm good, God will bless me. And if I'm bad, I will be punished. Let us look at the lives of two of God's greatest prophets from the Old Testament. In 1 Kings 18, we find the prophet Elijah, challenging the prophets of Baal to a contest to see whose god will show up. In verse 36-40, we see Elijah victorious.

And at the time of the offering of the oblation, Elijah the prophet came near and said, "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel, and that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your word. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you have turned their hearts back." Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, "The LORD, he is God; the LORD, he is God." And Elijah said to them, "Seize the prophets of Baal; let not one of them escape." And they seized them. And Elijah brought them down to the brook Kishon and slaughtered them there.

In the next chapter, we find Elijah's life being threatened by Jezebel. Israel has seen Elijah's miracles, yet they did not repent, and now Elijah decides to flee for his life. Elijah meets God on the mountain and wants to give up his ministry. Surely, Elijah must have thought by God's miraculous display that Israel would repent, that Ahab and Jezebel would be overthrown, that the peace of the Lord would fill the land and that the people would return to him. Instead, the exact opposite occurs. How does our faith stand the test when we fully surrender and the unexpected happens?

The prophet Jeremiah lived a life of full surrender, prophesying the destruction of Judah and the exile of the children of Israel. These were not the words he wanted to say but the words of the Lord burning inside of him. He was beaten and scorned. Shouldn't God's prophet be prosperous he must have thought. Jeremiah went as far as to say that the Lord deceived him. That curses should be laid on the man that congratulated his father when he was born and curses his own birth. What if we fully surrender and lose our ministry? This is why theology is important. Because we do not always get what we want and most things don't work out the way we want them.

One summer I went to Romania on a missions trip. God provided the money to go but when I returned I barely had enough to pay rent. Needless to say, my faith struggled. I openly argued to God, "I went overseas to serve you. I gave up my summer for you! How can you not at least provide a job so that I can make enough money to pay rent!?!" How foolish I was then. My roommate helped bring me back down to humility when he asked me, "If God were to take everything, and you became homeless, would you still follow Him? Furthermore, would he be any less loving or just?" He was right. In my full surrender to God's will, he taught me something that summer that I did not expect to learn. God owes me nothing. In my absolute worst, when I ran from God as fast as I could, I've had jobs where I prospered. And in my surrender, in the same job, I was not prosperous. Living in full surrender to God's will is not a recipe for an easy life with a great ministry. If Christ was persecuted, if Paul was shipwrecked and chained, if Peter was crucified upside down, then where in the hell did this idea that full surrender equals prosperity come from? God's blessings are not dependent on my morality. And I'm thankful for that because I am a miserable sinner, waging a war against my flesh that I cannot win on my own. Praise be to God for His grace and mercy!

So let us seek to fully surrender our lives to God, but not to prosper our ministry, or make more money, or feel good about our faith. Let us fully surrender because God is good and he is worthy of our surrender. He has saved us from the pit, numbered the hairs on our heads and knows us by name. And when times get tough, cling to the cross and know that God works all things for the good of those whom he loves and has called by name.